The Cupcake Method: Design Your Dream Partner
The Cupcake Method is a framework to design your dream partner. It gives you a clear vision of who youâre looking for, so that you can speak directly to that person on the apps, and you can aim to spend more time in places where a person like that would be.
The Cupcake Method: Design Your Dream Partner
Each layer of your cupcake has 3+ traits, culminating in your dream partner (or business/city/job!)
The base of your cupcake are traits that are NON-NEGOTIABLE. These are traits that will so heavily impact your life, that you are unwilling to compromise. Your partner must meet all 3+ of these traits. Examples: kindness, loyalty, emotionally stability (these are the only three things that actually predict long term success in partnership), wants to have a family, practices a specific religion (if you do), intellectually or politically aligned, financially stable, into exercising or has a healthy lifestyle etc.
The frosting of your cupcake are traits that impact your quality of life a great deal, but not so much that youâre unwilling to compromise. Your partner should meet at least 2 of these 3+ traits (so most, if not all of them). These could be things like loves to travel, great in the kitchen or into food, into live music, an activist, is clean/tidy, has a fun family, lives close to my neighborhood, etcâŠthings that will be inconvenient but not impossible to overcome, basically.
The final layer, the sprinkles, are things youâd LOVE your partner to have. This is where we get to dream a little bit. These things donât impact your quality of life per say, but itâd be GREAT if they had them. Things like: Loves wine & cheese as much as me, has a lake house, is obsessed with wildlife & conservation, is a fiery latin woman, speaks multiple languages etcâŠthis layer is essentially the dreamiest of dream visions, but clearly not necessary for you to love them. This layer generates action items. Where might a person like this spend their time? How can we create repetitive exposure in places like that so we have a chance to actually meet them!?
Important disclaimer: soulmates aren't found, they're made. Every moment we're with someone we are conditioning them, just as they've been conditioned by their life before knowing you. Try to use this framework as a dream template, while remembering that you can bring this vision to life over the course of dating / building a relationship with someone.
template to design the dream:
The Future Mr. / Mrs. [ đ§ ]
BASE (Traits that are non-negotiable):
Someone kind, loyal, emotionally stable (these are the only traits that predict long-term success in partnership)
Into a healthy lifestyle (Iâd argue everyone should have this as a base because someone unhealthy will so heavily impact your quality of life down the road)
FROSTING (traits that ideally our partner has, but weâre willing to compromise):
THE SPRINKLES / CHERRIES ON TOP (the dream of all dream traits):
One last thingâŠI want you to list 1-3 of your people. The people who know you better than anyone, who love you unconditionally & support you no matter what. The people who make you the absolute best version of yourself.
Got them in your head? Ok great. Now THATâS who youâre looking for. Someone who meets your non-negotiables, who perhaps has some of the frosting & sprinkle traits, but, most importantly, someone who makes you feel like those people make you feel. Thatâs the real dream.
NOW GET OUT THERE & FIND IT!!
xoxo